| Aug. 8th, 2006 @ 08:15 am Speaking of Game Shows... |
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As I was leaving Roge's yesterday, I realized game shows could really be defining moments for relationships. I was thinking about this for two reasons: 1) Roge just said I would make his family feud team - which I took as a major compliment - and 2) The feud episode we just saw was a battle of the divorcees - which flies in the face of what the feud stands for. Roge, Kali and I were all a little put off by the idea of it. Needless to say, the men got slaughtered in what was perhaps the greatest beatdown in Family Feud history, 500 - 0. Yes, you only need 300 to win, but these guys were dumb. You were almost glad for the women that the marriage had ended. Then you realized you were watching the feud. Then you realized you needed to get back to work. Then you realized that every time you used the word 'you' in the last 4 sentences you meant 'I'.
Anywho, game shows as defining moments in relationships. This is important because you need to know who's going to make your team. Women, this is somewhat like choosing who's in your wedding party, only slightly more strategic and there's money at risk. For men, it's like making a real life fantasy football team. Only you're really competing, athleticism doesn't matter, and there's hopefully more money at stake (if not, you seriously need to consider how much you're putting into your fantasy sports team). You need to think about the game requirements - you're going to choose different family members for family double dare than you will for the feud - as well as that person's likelihood of embarrassing you on TV (now there is an interesting counterpoint here: if you think you're going to look like an idiot on TV you want to choose the most hill-billy oddity of a family member you can muster. It's the same reason as to why I like to hang out with the freaks at table 9 at weddings. Compared to them, I'm a rock star. Compared to your average person, I should be at table 9.)
There are a few game shows that lend themselves to teammate selection more appropriately than others do. I have selected the most important ones because, well, these are the ones that first came to mind, and I'm writing this without an editor. Here are my gameshows below with my pics for teammates. Most of you will be offended by who I choose, but most of you are not within the physical distance of doing me harm at this point, so I'm not too concerned. But if I get any mysterious packages next week, I'm having my neighbor open them while I hide in the bathtub so don't even try sending me a bomb (I wonder if that line will get picked up by secret FBI blog scanners and get another flag in my file).
Family Feud - Dad, Mom, Alison, Me, and Sara
It's the original welter clan, and, all-in-all not a bad bunch. Sara's no good at trivia, but it seems that the feud is biased toward women's questions anyway so that will help to have her there. Jerry's a bit crazy, but you need one person who's going to come with answers like this after the obvious ones are taken: "Name something you spill on yourself while at a restaurant?" "Nuclear waste"
Amazing Race - Cam
This was somewhat of a process of elimination. Neil wouldn't take it seriously enough to have a chance of winning. Roge would get too pissed at the stupid dumb luck games that could cost us. Cam is the nice balance. We could do ridiculous things like pretend we know Japanese and get angry when the Japanese people don't understand us. Still, Cam would be competitive enough to trip an old woman and steal her walker if we needed it.
Double Dare - Neil
For some reason I feel like nasty randomness is right in Neil's wheelhouse. I don't remember much of the game, but I feel like slime/gak was involved.
Millionaire (phone a friends) - Mom/Dad, Pierce, Nate
Mom/Dad because I could call Mom with Dad in the room and they'd cover anything that was pop culture before my time. Dad would have history and geography and mom would have literature. As long as the history channel wasn't on. If the history channel's on, I'd just have mom because dad's tends to get distracted by documentary television.
Pierce because he is a human trivia machine. I have no idea how he does it. If I had to pick one person to answer one trivia question or my appendix would be removed with pencil sharpener - I would pick pierce. Plus he knows more than is healthy to know about sports.
Nate, my brother-in-law, is one of the smartest people I know and he reads a lot. Plus, he'd be a fun person to call if I had all the answers right and I just wanted to call and chat for 30 seconds before they gave me a million bucks.
Team Fear Factor - Munch
Oddly enough, his nickname of munch is based off his last name, but he's one of those guys that would eat anything. I'm fine with jumping off buildings, but eating stuff would gross me out. He could easily eat 6 steaming piles of cockroach dung filled with micromonkeys (you know little bacteria like creatures that look like monkeys (ok, I made them up, but be honest you really wondered if they were real)).
Newlywed Game - Roge
OK, that's an awkward response, but he's married now, so it's not so much a gay thing. It's more of a we-lived-together-for-5-years thing. He can tell what I'm thinking more than most men should, and, yes, that is awkward. Nonetheless, I'd fake gayness and gay marriage if it would win me a game show.
I've sat here thinking about game shows for the last 5 minutes so I think I should stop there. If you want to make an appeal to be on my team for the aforementioned game shows, please state your case in 324 words or less in a comment. If you can think of a game show where you would like to hear my team selection drop me a comment. If I someway, shape or form, offended you in this blog - then we probably weren't that close to begin with and, I'm not so sad to say, that our relationship is probably over. We can return each other's possessions via a mutual friend and awkwardly half-smile from now on when we see each other not sure whether we can even muster a "how are you?" without increasing tension levels to just short of seismic activity. Nonetheless, we can fondly reminisce about our times together and defend each other to our rude friends who never understood our relationship anyway. I miss you already. Please come back. Please. PLEASE!
If brevity is the soul of wit, I must be whatever the opposite of wit is...
Top 10 Lies About Graduate School Internships and what they really mean
10. They are different/better than undergrad internships
9. You'll work on a project for the whole summer (you will have nothing to do after the first 2 weeks)
8. You'll have access to high-level executives (aka HR Coordinators)
7. It's somewhat like a 3 month interview process (actually it's more like a bad first date)
6. Expect to contribute in a meaningful way (to the company softball team)
5. Internships will help you apply the skills you've learned in the first year in grad school (does instant messaging count as a skill?)
4. You'll be compensated for your contributions (to begin paying off the foolish debts you accumulated last year)
3. You'll learn a great deal about your future employment (how to waste time, how to look like you're not wasting time, how to make small talk with people that remotely sounds like business but is actually wasting time, etc.)
More to come...
Top 10 Lies About Graduate School Internships |
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